Love or referrals appreciated

photo by amandaism

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all! Today is when we celebrate our devotion to partially hydrogenated corn syrup and our hopefully still functioning livers. And love! Regardless of whether you’re single or coupled or triaded (?) or bumping uglies with a fence post, I wish you all a glorious VD, with the sincere hope that you don’t get any VDs.

For you singletons, I’d like to pass along this gem of a guy who wrote to my girlfriend on OkCupid. While I don’t wish to disclose his actual screen name (holidays make me feel generous), it is something akin to YourPerfectSoulmate4eva. And these are his wishes, with my poignant commentary interspersed, of course:

I’d love to be in an LTR with 2 beautiful bi-women, who wanted a guy around to spoil and be spoiled by, and to help have and raise kids. However, all my bi-women friends have chosen male partner/kids OR career/female partner paradigms.

OR option 3: the not-wanting-to-be-with-you paradigm

No one I’ve met wants to try a triad; at least not anyone who I feel could handle that responsibility.

In other words, stop calling me, Tila Tequila!

And perhaps my triad dream is not sane; so, for the most part, I’m now prioritizing women who want to some day have kids. Anyway, any love or referrals from you or your partner are appreciated.

We’re currently not accepting applications for PERFECT SOULMATE at this time, however we’ll keep your resume on file for the next time our hot bisexual female friends request to procreate with strangers on the internet.

Meanwhile, lonely or not, I have work to do.

Oh, so sorry to have interrupted you!

If you’re interested in giving it a try for 4 hours, I have some data entry and filing that I could pay you $10/hr to do on a Saturday. After that, if you’re still interested, and I’m still interested, I would increase hourly pay to $11 or $12/hour. Boring stuff, but it needs to get done. I can provide references from other women who have worked for me (and might again – depending on scheduling it’s possible you’ll meet). Let me know if you want to give it a try by regular email: not2desperate@gmail.com

I’m sorry, what? Is that a proposition “disguised” as a part-time data entry job for fucking $10 an hour? I really don’t know what’s going on here. And while I may be unhappily unemployed at the moment, if you want my girlfriend and I to bear your children AND do your filing, it’s going to set you back at least $12 an hour.

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8 Comments to Love or referrals appreciated

  1. Jami says:

    It reminds of of the really lonely sap who gets stuck doing the interviewing for new jobs.

    “Oh, I see you studied abroad in Europe. I remember my days in Europe.. Ur-op. Isn’t Europe spelled funny? I’m not a particularly great speller. I’m actually not particularly great at anything. Oh, that reminds me. I need to find someone to help me with my taxes. Are you good with numbers, too?”

    It’s as if — halfway through his email — he forgot that he was trying to date/impregnate your girlfriend/you and started talking about shit that he needed to get done.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  2. anna says:

    which reminds me, everyone should go to Date Wrecks and read Jami’s hilarious posts about dating. Do IT. now.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  3. Jami says:

    See, I’m over at Date Wrecks like, “Everybody should go read Anna’s posts. She’s brilliant.”

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  4. Alyssa says:

    that is BIZARRE! One of the reasons I got off of OKC, and yet, another reason why it’s so hilarious to be on it.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 1 Thumb down 0

  5. erica says:

    so THIS is what i’m missing by refusing to get anywhere near okcupid…well, send him my way. i’m all about accepting tedious work offers for very little money this time of year. or procreating with strangers. or…wait, what does he want???

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

  6. Annie Scott says:

    Man, he was my dream date till we got to the data entry. I think OK Cupid is probably the best place to go to find yourself an assistant these days, though. It’s so hard to find hot help.

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 3 Thumb down 0

  7. Theresa Geary says:

    He sounds like a bizarre, self-absorbed wierdo. What exactly is this mutt offering to anyone but himself? With two women, he can get twice as much filing done and housework no doubt comes next…what an idiot! Why don’t women think of having 2 men to give them twice as much $ so they can hire other men to do their filing???? It is a fair trade off for child birth and child rearing. Then again, you could let him impregnate you and then ditch him. keep his money for child support and live happily ever after with your girlfriend – who needs this worm?

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  8. anna says:

    ha! i think i’ll skip the impregnating altogether :)

    Like or Dislike: Thumb up 2 Thumb down 0

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