It was bound to happen. Someone on Etsy created a freakishly armed, giraffe-necked pillow, excuse me, manllow, in the form of Twilight’s Edward Cullen. Why was it bound to happen? Because you can’t spoon a poster, my friends. The artist does seem to have a sense of humor about her manllows, at least, describing them as: “The greatest gift of all time. 105% creepy, 5% loveable [sic].” Also, in case you can’t tell, the other manllow copping a feel is Jacob Black, aka Abs McWashboard, though I don’t think the manllow comes with an added 12-pack.

A few other bizarre Twilight items for purchase are:

Twilight condoms. For all the sex the characters aren’t having.

Edward is watching you…urinate! And he’s not happy about it.

A life-sized Edward silhouette and caption reminding you to “be safe.” My favorite part about this picture is that this is obviously an adult’s bedroom, when your typical twihard is prepubescent.  “Yes, a Twilight silhouette would go splendidly with my ivory sheeting and bronze sateen tape.” It would also, I’d hope, ensure that whoever pasted this to their wall would never have sex again. Or perhaps it serves as an extra reminder to use those Twilight condoms.

Related:

• R Pattz hates your lady bits
• Taylor Lautner’s abs and other revelations
• Team Edward
• Things I wish I had written/invented