So, apparently my little haiku series has inspired some of my friends to want to prove how much better they are at writing haikus than I am. Thanks, assholes. And since I’m a generous and fame-whorey kind of friend, I decided to post them here. Without further haiku (that pun didn’t work at ALL…but don’t take that as an excuse to start writing puns too, okay, people? LEAVE ME SOMETHING TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT!)
More OkCupid haikus, by Matt
Why did they change it
from stalker to visitor?
Far less accurate.
________
Seems mandatory
every girl lists Amelie.
Is it chick-film crack?
________
“Prefer ambitious types.”
Translation: My mission is
to blow rich douchebags.
________
Could you please message
with me for a month and then
delete your profile?
________
Bitter? Me? Oh no!
I live for endless first dates.
Awkward is sexy!
________
Bad sex haikus, by Jami
Worst sex of my life:
limp slug of an erection
smooshing on my junk
________
Fingers that could not
find my clit, however could
prod me. Not so good.
________
Facebook etiquette, by Charlie
“Vaginas”, (plural),
are not in Facebook spellcheck;
just one at a time?
________
And because I refuse to be shown up on my own blog, here’s one from me. Dedicated to Lance, whom I met, of course, on OkCupid. He pretty much already wrote this haiku anyway.
Mastering basic English
will get you so much ass on
online dating sites.
________
Wanna get in on this too? Leave your haikus in the comments!
Related:
I’m not the best of this, but I’ve got 30 minutes to kill and haikus are fun, so…OK Cupid Haikus:
If you post chick flicks
to online dating profiles,
you’re already doomed.
We both love surfing,
moonlight walks along the beach;
actually, T.V.
When I lost 90
pounds, I mean how I was pick-
pocketed abroad
You are vapid but
you have really fantastic
boob-centric photos
My Justin Beiber
flippy hair totes means I’m a
super youthful guy
…Okay, I’m done. For now.
Also, those are all really fantastic and I aspire to one day reach their level of greatness.
One more, because I’m now addicted, and I am a comment whore:
My only substance
is through movies and music;
I have shitty taste.
Love them. Especially the boob-centric one.
i could never beat
the amazing writing of
miss anna pulley
people are stupid
We both wrote that we
have eclectic taste in music.
Fate says we should bone.
I seldom update
my wayward little bloglet
Facebook my soul.
Jami is awesome.
Condolences to her vag.
OK Cupid FAIL!
Pingback: Your Wrecks, the spin-off site inspired by Date Wrecks! » Blog Archive » Bad Sex Haiku, Vol. 1