Haiku for Adulthood #85 – #91 3

Achievement of the Month:

New high score in Doodle Jump!

I hate myself.

(It was by like 30,000 points though! That’s really high. For me.)


You kept the note I

wrote you. It just said “Bam!”

Me Tarzan. You impressed?


What I want inscribed

on my tombstone when I die:

“Help! Buried Alive!”


Yes, I just referred

to the rapper as “Little Wayne”

What? I’m half white.


Jay-Z, you amply-blinged

Mr. Potato Head

genius! I love you.


“Yes, that’s it, right there,

baby.” Wait, why am I sexting

using two hands?


The mixtape you sent

had Nina and “Beat the pussy up”

Marry me?


Back that sass up:

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