“You mean you don’t clench your vagina?”
This is my girlfriend, schooling me in the ways of faking orgasms, a subject I thought I was well-versed in. I am, after all, one of the 48-72% of women who have faked it at some point in their lives. I’ve seen the Meg Ryan scene in When Harry Met Sally at least a dozen times. I knew that you should writhe a lot, make peculiar noises, and praise a deity of your choosing if inspiration led you down that route, but I apparently didn’t know about the clenching.
Then again, my girlfriend is trained as an actor. She’s practically got a PhD in faking it. I know because I’ve witnessed her fake an O and it was off the hook! It was better than Dancing with the Stars! I really couldn’t tell that she was acting and I’ve been with her for two and a half years. Does this worry me? Nah, but according to a recent study, maybe it should.
A working paper by an economist at Emory University claims that we are more likely to fake an orgasm with someone we love, proving that economists have better things to study than snoozefests like “the recession.” Hugo Mialon, the author of the paper, also says we are more likely to fake it if we are educated and that we’re less likely to fake if we’re around the age of 30, the further you get from that age and it’s back to fake city.
Faking an orgasm with someone you love seems contradictory to common sense. A fling? Sure. An ex turned friend-with-benefits? You betcha. But your partner? Your Sugar Shoes Snuggie Bear? Why would we fake it with them?
The biggest reason that springs to mind is we don’t want to hurt our partner’s feelings if an orgasm just aint happening, even though lying about it seems potentially more hurtful. On the other hand, there’s more at stake when you’re in love; it may be harder to blow off an intimacy slight than if it were a casual relationship. And if faking it made your partner happy, it could be seen as the equivalent of “taking one for the team.” Others may fake it because they feel they need their partner’s approval or that their own pleasure isn’t as important. In fact, there were so many reasons for faking an orgasm that ABC News made a bar graph out of it.
No opinion is the third highest reason?
Of course, the Emory paper was a hetero study, so it doesn’t take into account the percentage of lesbians in relationships who fake orgasms. Unfortunately, online searches about anything relating to lesbians yield mostly porn, which is only helpful when studying the average nail length of fauxmosexual cheerleaders and the men who wander into their locker rooms and “save” them from sexual confusion. (My MacArthur Genius Grant is pending on that one)
However, in 2006, the Journal of Sex Research reported that women who have lesbian sex (this includes bisexuals) not only had higher rates of orgasm than their straight counterparts, but that they have sex more often and their level of sexual satisfaction is higher as well.
Can I get a hellz yeah?
A few reasons why I think lesbians are less likely to fake orgasms in relationships:
- Women are more in tune with other women’s bodies, we are familiar with how they work and act, therefore intimacy is more instinctive. Of course, it takes different strokes for different folks, but there’s a basic user’s manual that we can all rely on. As Elaine from Seinfeld said, “It is all a matter of having time with the equipment”
- Lesbian sex acts are more conducive to orgasm than the ol’ P in the V routine.
- We process everything from tube tops to exactly what kind of femme is Tina from The L Word, (Ed note: Nonprofit femme?) so it makes sense that we’d communicate about sex just as much. Rather than ignoring or deceiving our partner, we’d more likely talk through it instead. When it comes to having tough talks, a 2003 study that evaluated the relationship habits of 40 same-sex couples and 40 straight married couples concluded that “gays and lesbians are nicer than straight people during arguments with partners: they are significantly less belligerent, less domineering and less fearful.”
- It lasts longer. So there’s more foreplay, more during play and more after play, which all leads to more potential for orgasm. Straight sex lasts an average of seven minutes. It takes me that long to unhook my girlfriend’s bra. You do the math.
- Lesbian sex doesn’t end after one person’s fat lady has sung. Usually. Unless you’re only looking out for your own needs. These people are known as
selfishPillow Princesses. - Most lesbians have to overcome taboos, pressures, conformity and shame to get to a point where they feel comfortable with their sexuality and therefore may be less inhibited and know what they want from a partner.
Since we’re on the subject go, why don’t we go straight to the source. Let’s conduct our own study right here and now, for the benefit of women-lovers and google searches everywhere.
My response isn’t on there! When I was young and “inexperienced” I faked it all the time. My reasons were ones of wanting to please, not knowing how to have orgasms during sex, and wanting to “get it over with” from time to time. Then again that was mostly hetero sex.
Excellent piece of work, my dear.
I for one have never faked an orgasm, largely because I easily achieve O to begin with. There have been times when I self induced, of course. 😆
@Shana and non-hetero sex?
@Alexa – Kudos. I’m impressed by those who’ve never faked it. I certainly don’t any more. But I used to…
I see no reason why lesbians would fake less. I faked when I was young and wanted to get it over with, because the sex was bad, i was tired, ashamed that I couldn’t come or whatever…then one day I decided those days were over. I just started to tell people what I liked and didn’t and felt SO much better! But all of them were guys…then I started dating women. I never faked with them. Mostly of the same reason, and because I am sure that they might have caught me, but one thing that disturbed me is the thinking that women knows what women wants.
I know what I want, but I can’t really describe it.
And I’m not sure it’s the same thing that my girlfriend wants.
And even so, I’m not sure that I can perform it the way I think it should be done.
When it comes to sex, it’s all about the individual! It is really really hard to communicate about sex, but really, wether you’re straight or gay is just the same…
Huh! I agree on your reasons why. I’ve only ever faked orgasms with one night stands (mostly dudes). The ladies I’ve slept with are generally pretty open and accepting and understand that a porn star caliber orgasm isn’t going to happen every single time. Plus, I strongly believe that any time you fake it with someone you sleep with regularly, you’re setting yourself up for bad sex.
Straight sex lasts an average of 7 minutes ???????
*never had straight sex
*never faked it
Always, very easy to achieve desired outcome…
Well I’ve just recently lost my verginity about a month and a half ago to my girlfriend. Although I have done things with other girls I’ve never let them touch me in the same ways. I love my girlfriend very much, but I seem to have faked most of my orgasms. She is way more experienced than I am, but for some reason she has only gave me 2 orgasms and we have had sex almost everytime we’ve seen each other. I dont know why I do this at all, and I dont know what to do or say to make this change.
What about (duh): a woman is more likely to know than a man is if a woman is faking an orgasm. It takes a thief to know one…
Fake it damn near every time. Lesbian sex is so time consuming and I have a lot of hobbies, a full time job, and I’m going to school. If I could I’d probably never have sex again. Maybe twice a year I really want it but for the most part a quickie with my hand gets me off every time and so much faster. I usually just make it about her these days and tell her there’s no need to reciprocate. Although I’m sure that sounds a little callous after a while and will probably hurt her feelings. But honestly, it’s the same shit every time whereas every unread book on my shelf is a brand new experience. Every painting a new achievement. Sex is a been there done that bore. Scratch the unfortunate occasional biological itch and move on.