Dating and sex advice in limerick form


A while back, a guy wrote in to my advice column, wondering how often anal sex led to pregnancy. My answer ended with a limerick:

I once met a dude on the ‘net,
who wrote to me very upset.
When you ride the caboose
and some sperm is knocked loose,
a baby you just might beget.

I have since been asked to “do that again” so without further ado, I present to you: Advice in Limerick Form.

Why does my girlfriend own so many vibrators?

Sometimes you cannot break the bond,
of the vibes that your girl is so fond.
You will not be replaced,
though you can’t quite erase
the tried and the true: Magic Wand.

 How can I leave a one-night stand with minimal awkwardness?

Say “Sorry that was so disappointing.”
Then leave ‘fore the laughter and pointing.
Don’t tell them you’ll call
if the thought makes you bawl,
and “I really enjoyed all the boinking!”

What in the world is “figging”?

Curious kitten, when will you learn?
That some people really do yearn,
for a strong piece of ginger
shoved right up their *CENSORED*
They love to, as they say, feel the burn.

What do women really think about during sex?

You should take out a pen and some paper.
Write this down ‘fore it turns into vapor.
What goes on in girls’ heads,
when they’re writhing in bed
is: “Don’t cry,” “What’s that?!” and Don Draper.

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