This week’s Ask Anna advice column tackles a perennial favorite problem of couples, particularly those with kids—not enough time or energy to connect. One potential solution is to rethink what a date even is. What follows is an introduction to micro dates, what they are, and how they can help you rekindle that spark with your partner. So, if you’re looking for ways to spend more quality time with your significant other, read on for an explanation and ten micro date ideas to get you started.

This column originally appeared on the Chicago Tribune.

Hey Anna,

Love your column! So, I’m a mom (42) with two young kiddos. My hubby (44) and I adore them, but man, it’s tough to find time for just the two of us! We don’t have a go-to babysitter or family nearby to help out. But guess what? We finally went out for dinner alone for the first time in a year, and it was amazing! I could use some tips on how to squeeze in more hubby time without ditching our parent duties. We really wanna keep that spark going, ya know? How can we stay connected even when life gets crazy? Thanks a bunch!––Craving Couple Time

Dear CCT,

I feel you! After picking up approximately 8,000 Legos each day, making four different dinners to accommodate picky eaters, then staring at the immense pile of laundry and crying, I’m not super inclined to be romantic.

It’s far easier to just collapse in front of the TV or endlessly scroll on our phones. Perhaps it’s not surprising that the average American spends 10 hours a day looking at a screen.

And, with all the distractions of modern life, it can be especially hard to find time for all that goes into a traditional date—researching, looking at 140 Yelp reviews, making reservations, booking childcare, etc.—so it’s not surprising that you and your husband barely made it out to one restaurant this year. (Congrats, by the way!)

A potential solution to this problem is to rethink what a “date” can be, and specifically to incorporate micro dates into your love life. 

What’s a micro date?

Micro dates (or mini dates) are short activities (generally 15 minutes to an hour) that can help you reconnect with your partner. It can involve going out somewhere or, more often, staying at home.

Over and over again, we hear advice about the importance of date nights, romantic weekend getaways, or even full-blown vacations, which leads people to believe that hours (or days!) are needed to keep your romantic connection strong and your desire intact.

But the reality is often far different for many people. Life is busy, date nights come around once in a blue moon, or not at all, and if you don’t plan in advance, you might find yourself endlessly watching a teenager on TikTok review episodes of Dawson’s Creek (“It takes place in the past!” 😮) rather than spending quality time with your significant other.

Don’t get me wrong. I love a traditional date—I’ve been guilty of orchestrating 12-hour outings in the past—but they can also be stressful, and they take time and effort that a lot of people don’t have the bandwidth for.

Why try micro dates?

Micro dates are the perfect solution for busy people who want to spend more time with their partners. And since they’re short, there’s no pressure to get everything perfect—so even if you end up spending 15 minutes in the morning drinking coffee and talking about your day ahead instead of going out somewhere fancy, it’ll still be enjoyable, quality time spent together, which is the real purpose of dates.

There are lots of good reasons why you should try micro dates—they’re easy, so don’t require much (if any) planning, they’re more laid back and less pressure; they gift you intentional, quality time with your partner; they can fit any budget; and they allow for spontaneity.

Here are 10 micro dates to try:

1. Spend 5 or 10 minutes writing a gratitude letter to your partner, listing all the ways they’ve enriched your life. Then, when you’re finished, read the letters out loud to each other. (Bring tissue, you might cry.)
2. Think about a song (or a few songs) that made an impact on you or remind you of a certain era in your life. Listen to them with your partner and talk about who you were back then. How do the songs make you feel now?
3. Go for a walk around your neighborhood, and find at least one thing you’ve never seen or noticed before.
4. Have a date at your local library or indie bookstore. Pick out a book to read together. Alternatively, if you can’t leave your house, you can read a book you already own, either print, ebook, or audio. If you don’t have any books around the house, it’s often easy to get a virtual library card and check out an ebook. (You can read it on your phone if you don’t have an ereader.)
5. Have a lunch date. If you can’t make your work schedules align, then arrange a video chat or a phone call.
6. Create a couple’s bucket list of 20 things you would love to do together someday. These can be places you want to go, restaurants or activities you want to try, or even things you want to improve or renovate in your house.
7. Think of a quick chore that your partner dislikes—emptying the dishwasher, organizing the junk drawer, cleaning the toilet, etc.—then do it for them. Afterward, show your appreciation and gratitude for their efforts.
8. If it’s possible, go outside, lay down, and watch some clouds go by. Ponder your insignificance and the wonders of being alive. Or if it’s nighttime, look at the stars. If you’re star illiterate, like me, there are lots of free star-gazing apps that can help you identify more than just the Big Dipper.
9. Commit five random acts of kindness together. They can be virtual—give a few bucks to a cause you care about, or compliment a friend over text, email, or social media—or in person—buy a stranger coffee, pay for someone’s parking meter, compliment a passing stranger. If you need more ideas, visit randomactsofkindness.org. These acts offer an immediate mood boost and help us feel more connected to each other.
10. Go on a virtual vacation. Daydream or fantasize about vacation locales you’d love to visit—Sicily? Vietnam? Dayton, Ohio??—then hop onto Google Maps and use street view to actually explore them.

Those are some suggestions to help you get started, but the sky is really the limit. Good luck, CCT, and remember: Small moments can often have the biggest impact.

What’s your favorite, fast way to connect with your partner?