Haikus for Adulthood #11-18 9


So, apparently my little haiku series has inspired some of my friends to want to prove how much better they are at writing haikus than I am. Thanks, assholes. And since I’m a generous and fame-whorey kind of friend, I decided to post them here. Without further haiku (that pun didn’t work at ALL…but don’t take that as an excuse to start writing puns too, okay, people? LEAVE ME SOMETHING TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT!)

More OkCupid haikus, by Matt

Why did they change it
from stalker to visitor?
Far less accurate.

________

Seems mandatory
every girl lists Amelie.
Is it chick-film crack?

________

“Prefer ambitious types.”
Translation: My mission is
to blow rich douchebags.

________

Could you please message
with me for a month and then
delete your profile?

________

Bitter? Me? Oh no!
I live for endless first dates.
Awkward is sexy!

________

Bad sex haikus, by Jami

Worst sex of my life:
limp slug of an erection
smooshing on my junk

________

Fingers that could not
find my clit, however could
prod me. Not so good.

________

Facebook etiquette, by Charlie

“Vaginas”, (plural),
are not in Facebook spellcheck;
just one at a time?

________

And because I refuse to be shown up on my own blog, here’s one from me. Dedicated to Lance, whom I met, of course, on OkCupid. He pretty much already wrote this haiku anyway.

Mastering basic English

will get you so much ass on

online dating sites.

________

Wanna get in on this too? Leave your haikus in the comments!

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