I couldn’t sleep last night, so I figured the next best thing would be to write limericks about the frustrations of being bisexual, obviously. These may or may not be probably actually true stories. Maybe.
I have a peculiar curse.
And each year it seems to get worse.
See, the women I date
all turn out to be straight
and all I’m left with is this shitty verse!
The internet makes people bold, clearly.
They beg threesomes as if they were merely
asking you for directions,
not help with erections
and they don’t even ask you sincerely!
My male fuck buddy once shrugged
“You’re a lesbian gateway drug.”
But I don’t even try!
“It don’t matter, you’re bi.”
Then I better go munch some more rug.
I’ve gotten lots of strange questions
from strangers with impure intentions
To them I seem famished
So they offer a sandwich
with me in-between, I should mention.
I met a great guy at week’s end.
But he was (yeah) dating my friend.
I said I understood
then went off to be good,
by fucking his brother instead.
A few weeks after that night,
after a few (14) vodka sprites,
in somebody’s yard,
I made (our lives!) hard
and kissed him even though he was dating my friend. That was years ago, but I still feel really bad about it! Jamie, can you ever forgive me? PS: The only reason I didn’t accept your Facebook friend request was because I couldn’t even fathom facing your electronic self! Let alone your real self. That’s how much shame I have. Don’t hate me, alright?