A Bisexual’s Lament 12


I couldn’t sleep last night, so I figured the next best thing would be to write limericks about the frustrations of being bisexual, obviously. These may or may not be probably actually true stories. Maybe.

I have a peculiar curse.
And each year it seems to get worse.
See, the women I date
all turn out to be straight
and all I’m left with is this shitty verse!

The internet makes people bold, clearly.
They beg threesomes as if they were merely
asking you for directions,
not help with erections
and they don’t even ask you sincerely!

My male fuck buddy once shrugged
“You’re a lesbian gateway drug.”
But I don’t even try!
“It don’t matter, you’re bi.”
Then I better go munch some more rug.

I’ve gotten lots of strange questions
from strangers with impure intentions
To them I seem famished
So they offer a sandwich
with me in-between, I should mention.

I met a great guy at week’s end.
But he was (yeah) dating my friend.
I said I understood
then went off to be good,
by fucking his brother instead.

A few weeks after that night,
after a few (14) vodka sprites,
in somebody’s yard,
I made (our lives!) hard
and kissed him even though he was dating my friend. That was years ago, but I still feel really bad about it! Jamie, can you ever forgive me? PS: The only reason I didn’t accept your Facebook friend request was because I couldn’t even fathom facing your electronic self! Let alone your real self. That’s how much shame I have. Don’t hate me, alright?


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12 thoughts on “A Bisexual’s Lament

  • Jamie

    i had a dear friend in the city
    who i just couldn’t help but to pity
    for you see all the women
    she put her interest in
    only temporarily wanted the titty.

    she would spend so much time with a chick
    thinking she’d finally made a good pick
    she’d chase them and win
    get a good night’s fun in
    only to learn they had eyes just for dick

    in these days of being sexually free
    it can be difficult to see
    when getting the eye
    from a girl or a guy
    do they want him, or her or me?

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  • Alex

    There once was a guy who was “great”
    Who fell smitten to his girlfriend’s roommate.
    And though they would’ve worked better,
    He was too “great” to just get her
    So for two years the wrong girl he did date.

    And years later their paths crossed again!
    She was coupled, so they sought to be be friends.
    Though he tried to be chaste
    Have you seen this girl’s face?! (And body, and haikus)
    …this time he was the home wrecker instead.

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  • Jaimee (ok not really)

    I never thought that my life would be
    A punchline from a sit-comedy
    But since she got the ring
    Sex is no longer her thing
    I hope that the problem’s not me.

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  • Jamie

    Anna,
    Of course I forgive you! Can you forgive me? Bro’s before hoe’s, right? Gimmie a call. I think my number’s on my fb profile. We had better be making up because the reunion’s next year and it would be really nice to get some shots with you. Oh, and Alex: hurtful. We are no longer speaking.

    It’s been way to long. I miss your face.

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