Dear Anna,

I have been dating this married man and honestly we both realized it was a terrible idea and stopped, but 6 months later his wife called me and complained and I tried to apologize to her, which she said was ok. So I made a mistake by contacting him and telling him she called but I told her there was nothing between us and apparently he mentioned it to her again and she called me saying he delivered my message to her. Was I wrong for telling him she called me in the first place? I feel really terrible. Should I still contact her and apologize?––Guilty Past

Dear GP,

You’ve already apologized once––or tried to, at least––when the wife found out about the affair you had with her husband six months ago. Hearing from you again isn’t going to make her feel better. So no, I wouldn’t contact her again. And, while we’re at it, don’t contact your former married man friend any more either. Nothing good can come from such twisty games of Telephone. Instead, I’d work on doing some reflection around your own behaviors. That’s how you absolve yourself. You realize you messed up, you make amends to the extent that you can, and you resolve to do better next time. (And lose his number.)

Dear Anna,

I don’t have anyone to talk to about what’s bothering me. I checked the search history on my boyfriend’s device and found a search for child pornography. I tried to ask him about it, but he said he didn’t search for that and he doesn’t know anything about it. Aside from that, there was also another search for women about porn. I checked; it’s really the IP address on his device. I’m not sure if he’s lying or not. I thought a person I trust wouldn’t ever do that. He sent me a screenshot that his work account was compromised, which I confirmed. However it says on the email that this particular account was not affected. But his gmail has some spotify emails in different languages. Can it be that his account was just hacked? I’m really––Bothered

Dear Bothered,

That’s an intense situation you’ve got on your hands. However, it’s also one of those scenarios where I’m not sure you’re going to find definitive proof of wrongdoing. So you’re gonna have to go with your gut on this. Either you believe him and accept that it was an innocent search (or that he was hacked) and he’s never going to do it again. Or you admit that you don’t believe him (or trust him) and break up with him. You say that you do trust him, but if you’re snooping in his search history, I’m not sure that you really do, and might advise you to end things for that reason alone. 

For what it’s worth, there might be other reasons why that particular term showed up in his browser history. He could’ve been researching something, like the Jeffrey Epstein trial, and just forgotten about it. My partner, who works in HR, has similarly had to use that search term at her job to investigate an employee who complained. And it’s in my browser history, too, as an advice columnist, since I answer questions on this topic. If the search term was generic, it might well have been nothing. Especially if he was using Google, which is pretty strict in its efforts to curb and combat such child abuse. 

I’m not saying he’s innocent, but I can’t say he’s guilty either. All that said, if your gut is sending you warning signals about this guy, I’d listen to them.

Anna Pulley is a Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your quandary via email (anonymity guaranteed) to redeyedating@gmail.com or sign up for her infrequent (yet amazing) newsletter.