I’ve been with my boyfriend for two months. We’ve been exclusive for one month. Things are going pretty great, but the thing is, he doesn’t put me in any of his social media posts. I feel like, if I was important to him, he’d put me in his posts. Do I say something about this or just give it time?––In Need of Some Tough Advice

Dear INSTA,

Sweet Potato! Your worth is not defined by a social media platform. And neither is your relationship status. So please don’t use Instagram as a barometer for how your relationship is faring.

It’s true that more and more, our social media pages are acting as digital blueprints for our lives, and the tendency is to showcase every joy and happiness that occurs in our lives, especially when it comes to love. I’m certainly guilty of this!

But social media sharing can also put undue pressure and stress on your relationship. Maybe your boyfriend has some jealous exes who would social media stalk you if they knew about your existence. (That’s definitely happened to me––and still is, actually. Hi, stalkers!) Maybe your boyfriend’s family is weirdly pressure-y or intrusive and would start immediately asking him when you’re going to get married. Maybe he keeps his social media accounts “relationship-free” for professional or personal reasons. Maybe he just hasn’t gotten around to it––your relationship is still pretty new, after all.

You won’t know until you ask, and I encourage you to do so in a casual, curious way––not with the expectation that he’s going to change his s.m. habits. And know that whatever his reasoning is not a diminishment of your importance. I know plenty of people who love and value their partners (or children), but don’t post pictures of them online. Relationships don’t need to be public to be cherished.

The impulse to share and document one’s love life online is not a “bad” thing, by any means. But you should measure your relationship by what happens offline, in the real world. 

How do you know if a guy is genuinely interested in you vs. just wants to sleep with you?––Don’t Overthink It Totally

Dear DOIT,

This is a false dichotomy that presumes a guy who’s genuinely interested in you doesn’t also want to sleep with you. Unless said genuinely-interested guy is asexual, it’s safe to presume that anyone interested in dating you is also interested in screwing you. To reverse things: Don’t you want to bang the people you’re genuinely interested in?

That said, I know that people (particularly straight women) tend to “rules” these things to death, but there is no hard and fast rule line it comes to the intentions of potential sex partners. If you want a rule, let it be this one: You should have sex when you want to and feel ready to. If you don’t trust a someone as a potential sex partner, then don’t sex them. 

Your vag isn’t a commodity that you exchange for a boyfriend. So don’t treat it as such. In every new sexual encounter, ask yourself if it’s something you really want, regardless of what might happen tomorrow. Is the answer yes? Then do it, DOIT. If the answer is no or maybe, then listen and pivot accordingly. This is how you don’t get “used.” If every decision is intentional and F*&% YEAH, then you’re respecting yourself, your time, and your body.

Of course, this won’t stop people from lying to you or telling you things you want to hear only to ghost you later. Liars gonna lie, deceivers gonna deceive. That’s a fact of life, no matter how vigilant you might be in sniffing such people out. But “being used” is such an unhelpful (and victim-y) way to frame things. You’re worth so much more than that. Work on believing it.

Anna Pulley is a syndicated Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your questions via email (anonymity guaranteed) to redeyedating@gmail.com, sign up for her infrequent (yet amazing) newsletter, or check out her books!