I’m nervous-chihuahua excited to announce that my first book, The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!) hits shelves on April 19.

I’ve been dreaming about publishing a book since I was a kid, and want this book to reach people, which is why I’m asking for your help.

As a thank you for your kindness and support, I’m offering some special pre-order bonus content.

Also, if you buy the book on Amazon, it’s a few bucks cheaper right now: $11.56, as opposed to the normal list price of $14.99. I’m not sure how long it’ll be at that price.

My offer to you

If you pre-order 1 book anytime before April 19, I’ll send you a special email package that includes:

• 100 bonus haiku that didn’t make it into the book. Half are funny, half are romantic/emo, depending on how you’re feeling about life. Use them to impress your sweethearts or when you feel like crying through a Taylor Swift song
• A chance to win a sexy pillowcase by Kelsey, screenprinted with images drawn live at the Bay Area’s preeminent girl orgy, Girl Pile (ordinarily $35)

Click here to pre-order 1 copy, then email your receipt to lezsexhaikubook@gmail.com with “Preorder #1” in the subject.

If you pre-order 5 books anytime before April 19, you’ll get all of the above, plus:

• A limited edition letterpress-printed bookplate (with a brand new, never-seen-before cat image by Kelsey)
• A comprehensive guide on how to talk to women. (It was written about queer women specifically but can easily be adapted to all genders/orientations.)
• A chance to win 1 of 5 signed archival digital giclee prints of this dopplebanger cat illustration by Kelsey, which is not included in the book ($40 value)
• A social media shout out to my thousands of followers/fans involving a weird-awesome compliment

Click here to pre-order 5 copies, then email your receipt to lezsexhaikubook@gmail.com with “Preorder #2” in the subject.

If you pre-order 15 books (to give to friends, coworkers, crushes, or to scandalize your conservative aunt) anytime before April 19, you’ll get all of the above, plus:

• A one-hour video call (or in person if you live in the Bay Area) with me, where I will offer writing or editing help, freelancing tips, social media strategizing, or some other topic of your choosing
• An 8.5 x 11 signed archival digital giclee print of an illustration from the book
• A personalized haiku from me, on a topic of your choosing
• A chance to win a personal illustration from Kelsey of your own pet (not limited to cats!)

Click here to pre-order 15 copies, then email your receipt to lezsexhaikubook@gmail.com with “Preorder #3” in the subject.

These bonuses will only be available for orders before April 19! After that, they will vanish into the internet void of sadness, where no kitten video can survive.

If you’ve already pre-ordered the book (thank you!), the process is the same: Send your receipt to the above email, and you’ll get the bonuses by the end of April.

The more books you pre-order, the more times your name will be entered into the drawing, and I’ll email the winners a few days after the launch date!

Also, as an aside: Pre-orders really give a boost to a book. They help create buzz that makes a difference with booksellers, the press, and other readers.

And, you would be doing a huge favor to two aspiring queer artists and their careers. So, as my mother is wont to remind me—if now now, when?

Thank you thank you thank you!

Anna and Kelsey