Dear Anna,

My partner and I, both in our mid-twenties, have been together in a committed relationship for two and a half years. We deeply love and care for each other, but, of late, our sex life has started to become a bit uninspiring. Not dire or anything, just a bit meh. What are your top tips for a young couple like us who are looking to breathe new life into our intimacy? We’re open to any suggestions.—Wanting A Novel Experience

Dear WANE,

First, let me say that it’s normal for sex to ebb and flow. Some weeks you’re super hot for each other, others less so. Maybe life gets in the way or stress or illness or some other fresh horror that’s part of being alive. It’s natural to experience some valleys along with the peaks. So don’t get too caught up if you’re in a low moment. 

That said, it’s always a good time to reinvest in your sex life—you don’t need a particular reason to want to add some novelty to your repertoire.

One simple formula to increase desire, courtesy of Jack Morin, who called it the Erotic Equation,  is this: 

Attraction + obstacles = excitement

Meaning, if excitement is waning, add more obstacles. What do obstacles look like within a committed relationship? Let’s explore.

Planned distance (physical or geographical): Take a brief physical hiatus from each other—stop having sex and masturbating for a short period of time. (You could even stop non-sexual touching, such as holding hands or cuddling.) How long can you go—a week? A month? When you come back together, the scarcity will likely make your sex explosive. 

You could also impose some geographical distance, such as taking a short solo trip, which can create a temporary obstacle as well as increase your longing for each other. If you can’t swing a trip, even relegating yourselves to separate rooms in the house for a while might help kindle a spark.

Physical barriers: You can create playful physical barriers by prohibiting certain acts or touches during intimacy, such as not allowing direct skin contact or keeping your clothes on or only using your mouth, for instance. This can be a fun way to build anticipation and magnify your desire for each other.

New locales: Sometimes a change of scenery is needed—such as a hotel bed, or a different bed (or surface of choice) in your own house can provide an erotic charge. New locales are part of why vacation sex is so nice—you’re in an unfamiliar environment and you don’t have to worry about, like, washing the bedsheets or attending to domestic duties.

Flirting and teasing: Engage in light flirting or teasing without taking it to the next level right away. Creating a playful, flirtatious environment where you both enjoy the buildup without immediate gratification can prove to be an effective obstacle.

Limit your senses: Introduce sensory play, like using a blindfold or earplugs, to heighten each other’s senses. By creating a barrier and limiting certain senses, you can bring more focus to touch and heighten arousal. (I wrote about different kinds of sensory dates here.)

Play with power: Safely explore power dynamics, such as gentle domination and submission, while maintaining communication and consent. (A blindfold is another form of power play, and probably the easiest one to get started with.) Another example is to restrict your partner’s movement—pin them to a wall, hold their wrists, or even tell them not to move or touch you. This introduces an obstacle by creating a sense of hierarchy and playful tension.

Scheduled intimacy: As counter-intuitive as it sounds, deliberately scheduling intimate encounters is another way to create an obstacle. Knowing that a specific day or time is set aside for closeness can make your sexual encounters feel more like an exciting challenge to anticipate, similar to how it was when you first started dating and had to wait for Friday to roll around before you saw them. (For extra oomph, make sure to flirt and tease throughout the day—and don’t touch each other.)

Remember that any obstacles introduced should be consensual and aligned with you and your partner’s comfort levels. Nothing is less sexy than stepping over someone’s boundaries! So go slow and keep checking in.

Good luck and may the obstacles be ever in your favor.

Anna Pulley is a syndicated Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your questions via email (anonymity guaranteed) to redeyedating@gmail.com, sign up for her infrequent (yet amazing) newsletter, or check out her books!

This column originally appeared on The Chicago Tribune.