Dear Anna,
My girlfriend and I are poly, and she recently hit it off with a guy at a work conference. She wants to follow up on their connection, but the guy is not poly. What can I do about this other guy? I don’t want to interfere too much, but at the same time I want to reassure him that I’m okay with him getting involved with her as long as he doesn’t try to break my relationship with her. Should I talk to him directly, or let them work it out without my advice?–Need Only Some Yeses
Dear NOSY,
Don’t talk to him (or anyone your girlfriend is pursuing, for that matter). While I think your intention is good, it’s a little patronizing to assume she can’t handle explaining your poly relationship to someone she’s interested in. Assuming this isn’t your girlfriend’s first poly rodeo, she’s bucked a few broncos in the past and steered a few steers. Since your girlfriend established the connection with this guy, the onus is on her to follow up and tell him about your situation. He’ll either be intrigued and interested in pursuing something with her, or he won’t be.
What WOULD be weird is if this guy got a random DM from you (a stranger) that said, “Hey bro, Just letting you know, you can totally bag my girl. Sincerely, Brad” (or equivalent).
This isn’t to say metamours (that is, your partner’s partner/s) don’t talk to each other. They often do, especially in longer-term situations. But as you haven’t been introduced to this guy, let your girlfriend show him the ropes––to take this rodeo metaphor to its dusty death.
How do I indicate to a hot bisexual couple that I’m interested in both of them and would be open to a threesome without sounding like a complete skeezebag who just wants a sandwich? Some Unusual Burdens
Dear SUB,
Challenge them to a three-legged race. If you’re not fucking by the end, then it wasn’t meant to be.
I’m kidding. (That’s how my threesomes are instigated.)
How close of friends are you with these hot bisexuals? If you’re quite close and are worried about making your friendship awkward, I might be more subtle in my flirtations, especially as, it needs to be said, NOT ALL BISEXUALS LIKE OR WANT THREESOMES. No matter how hot or bisexual they are.
If you’re unsure which camp your friends fall in (“Team of Three, Glory Be!” Or “More Than Two, I Poo-Poo!”), invite them over for Flaming Dr Pepper Shots and play the “have you ever…?” conversation game. If they ask you what the hell a Flaming Dr Pepper Shot is, tell them I don’t know. But get their take on threesomes, regardless.
If you’re not as close, then it’d behoove you to be frank. Some version of “No pressure or anything, and I’m stoked to just be friends, but if y’all are interested in Eiffel Towering, I’m your dude” should suffice. And while I love your acronym, leave the sandwich references out of it. Wait, I take it back. Being asked for a threesome via a sandwich would be the best proposition ever. Do that and report back.
May your bologna overfloweth.
Anna Pulley is a syndicated Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your questions via email (anonymity guaranteed) to redeyedating@gmail.com, sign up for her infrequent (yet amazing) newsletter, or check out her books!
