A lot* of people ask me why my blog is called Dude Sized Hands, or “Man Hands” if you’re an inattentive, but no less devoted, reader. Like most of life’s endeavors, it started with a conversation about fisting. My girlfriend and I were discussing (judging) a mutual friend who is […]

What’s Dude Sized Hands?

Searching for a reading chair on Craigslist has become something of a part-time job for me. Instead of monetary compensation, I am rewarded anew each day with posts like this: Finally, someone else shares the dream of being able to read AND shoot things from the same location! But what […]

The right to bear arms – chair edition

I applied to be a “funny horoscope writer” today, which required a sample horoscope for a Leo, which is funny because one of the first songs I ever wrote was called “horrorscope” and it was about being madly in love with a Leo. It had the words, “If you asked […]

Off the charts – a made-up astrological reading for Leos

Today I was offered a fake job doing “data-entry” by a fake company called Encore Media Solutions. If you google them, this is the first result that pops up: I was suspicious immediately, considering I “got the job” without an interview and because they requested my checking account information. Also, […]

Job Spammed

The plot of Twilight: New Moon, as told by LOLcats Smile like you’re dead inside Boing Boing’s Charitable Gift Giving Guide Plush alligators with vaginas Things I actually DID write/invent this week for, who did not hire me, but did compliment me on my “enthusiasm,” which is just as […]

Things I wish I had written/invented

It occurred to me, about a half second after I hit send on an electronic application to a REAL job dealing with small children, that my other life as an unabashed sex columnist and general smut enthusiast could very well color my chances in other areas of employment, especially the […]

How to get a professional job