Dear Anna,

My girlfriend has got me into dressing completely as a woman. I will say that I really do like it but my girlfriend has taken it further than I thought she would. She took me to have my ears double pierced, acrylic nails applied to my fingers, and had my eyebrows waxed into two pencil thin lines with a high feminine arch in them. She told me that as soon as my hair is long enough, we are going to get it colored, cut, and styled into a woman’s look. I got fired from my job because she made me go to work dressed as a woman and she tells everyone, both family and friends that I want to become a woman & start dating men. She has been taking me out wedding dress shopping because I will be the one walking down the aisle in a wedding dress. She has already taken me to her parents house dressed as a woman and she says as soon as I get my hair done, we will be going over to my parents house to show them their new daughter. I used to tell her about going too far with this but ever since I started taking the vitamins that she has been giving me for the past seven months, I have found myself rather enjoying being a girl and wearing makeup. Can you suggest any way I can get her to slow down with all of the changes she is making me get?––Too Much Too Soon

Dear TMTS,

There are a few things that don’t quite gel about your letter. But I’m going to take your words at face-value and hope you draw whatever conclusions you need to.

For starters, if someone is forcing you to do things you don’t want to do, especially when those things go against your bodily autonomy (such as taking “vitamins,” which I’m assuming are hormones), and have lasting repercussions (such as compromising your employment and source of income), then those are markers of an abusive relationship and you should get out of it immediately.

(As an aside, if you were, in fact, fired for showing up to work dressed as a woman, that’s considered discriminatory in many states and you may have grounds to contest it or take legal action against your former employer.)

At the very least, you need to have a serious boundary talk with yourself about how much control this person is asserting over your life and assess exactly what you do or don’t want to do when it comes to cross-dressing, feminization, or gender transitioning, that is, changing the way people see your gender socially, legally, and/or medically, if that’s what you’re interested in.

Regardless of what you decide, your gender expression and identity are valid.

You and only you have the final say about your body and what happens to it, and you should feel empowered to make changes (if any) at your own pace and level of comfort.

I have a question. My girl doesn’t have periods regularly, and she had her appendix taken out. We have been trying to get pregnant for 2 years, but it hasn’t happened. Any idea why? 

Irregular periods can indeed make it harder to conceive, as they make it more difficult to predict when someone is ovulating and even when to take a pregnancy test.

Most people with periods operate on a 28-day cycle. An “irregular” menstrual cycle occurs when it’s less than 24 days or greater than 38 days––or if bleeding lasts longer than 8 days. If that’s the case for your girl, and since you’ve been trying for 2 years without luck at this point, I’d talk to a medical health professional, who can help you figure out the best course of action. If budget is a concern, there are often community health clinics that can help with costs, with or without insurance. Learn more about them at findahealthcenter.hrsa.gov. Or, depending on where you live, there might be a free ask-a-nurse hotline in your area, as well.

​Anna Pulley is a Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your quandary (anonymity guaranteed) via email to redeyedating@gmail.com or sign up for her occasional (yet amazing) newsletter.