While floating around ideas for the back cover of The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!), my editor challenged me to write a haiku description of the book. So obviously that’s what I’m doing instead of, like, trying to make money to survive. I can do that tomorrow. How often am I be able to write meta haiku about lesbians, aside from the entire book I already wrote? NEVER.

Here are some contenders. I welcome nay RELISH nay BEHOOVE you to play along. Some of my best haikus were crowd-sourced from Facebook and Twitter and you people are damn creative (and quite pretty if I may say), so if you have any ideas/fodder, lemme have it in the comments. Also which do you like best?

This demystifies

lesbian sex in the most

straightforward language.

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Prepare to laugh and

cry at the same time. If you’re

lez, mostly crying.

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“Attention, women!”

*mob picks up pitchforks* Sorry,

womyn? Wo’moon? *Runs*

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Some say poetry’s

dead and lesbians aren’t

funny. Go away, mom!*

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This book was made from

cruelty-free, organic

paper, menstrual blood.

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*my mother is lovely and amazing and supportive. This haiku mom I picture more like the Mommy Dearest mom.