In honor of Bisexual Awareness Week, which I did not know was a thing but am always down to celebrate, I’m answering questions that apply to liking more than one gender. Let’s fling open that closet and get to it.

Dear Anna,

I’m a woman in my 20s who identifies as bisexual. I’ve recently entered into a relationship with an amazing guy. Things were going really well until I disclosed my bisexuality. He brushed off my revelation and made a comment about me being “straight now” that we’re together. I feel like he’s trying to negate or bury my bisexual identity, which is a crucial part of who I am. How can I address this with him? I want him to understand and acknowledge my bisexual identity, not erase it. I like him and want this relationship to work, but I also need to maintain my personal identity. Any advice would be much appreciated.—Bedraggled Identity

Dear BI,

It can be incredibly challenging when a significant part of who we are isn’t acknowledged by people we care about. Remember first and foremost that your sexual identity is valid, and being in a monogamous relationship with a man doesn’t change this.

Unfortunately, there’s still a lot of misinformation and erasure when it comes to liking more than one gender. And while it’s annoying to have to educate people—and exhausting at times—it’s necessary in relationships that you want to progress. Here’s some guidance:

Start an open dialogue. Let him know how his comments about your bisexuality affect you, using words similar to what you said to me above, that you feel dismissed and that your identity is being negated. Let him know such comments aren’t appreciated and won’t be tolerated. 

If you don’t have the bandwidth to get into a full-on confrontation around any one comment, you can always acknowledge their hurtfulness with a simple warning “hey” or “ouch.” Advice columnists are quick to tell everyone to have honest, open communication, but I know it’s not always possible to confront every little thing. You have to choose your battles. 

That said, when you let hurtful comments from a significant other go unacknowledged, it breeds resentment and shame, hence the quick word, which acknowledges the feeling without dismissing it.

Educate him about bisexuality: Misunderstandings about bisexuality often stem from ignorance. Your boyfriend might not grasp that being in a monogamous relationship doesn’t change your identity. A helpful analogy might be that even though he’s in a monogamous relationship with you, it doesn’t negate his potential attractions to other women. 

Safeguard your identity: Remind yourself that you are not responsible for his feelings or lack thereof concerning your identity. You can lead him to understanding, but you can’t make him think. It sounds harsh, but if he continues to dismiss your identity, consider if this relationship respects your inherent value. Remember, you deserve someone who appreciates you as a whole, including your bisexuality.

Navigating identity in relationships can feel like tricky waters, but trust yourself. Your identity is a critical part of you. Shoving it down not only hurts you, but it can eventually harm your relationship. Respect, understanding, and love form the foundation of any successful relationship.

Dear Anna,

I’m a 40-year-old bi guy, currently single, who’s mostly attracted to women. While trying to navigate the dating world, I’ve encountered quite a bit of biphobia and stereotypes that have made the process disheartening. Comments range from bisexuals being “confused” to “greedy” to “secretly gay” and it’s starting to take a toll on me. How can I better handle these stereotypes and instances of biphobia? I’m not only looking for strategies to address this in the moment, but also ways to navigate potential dates who may not understand or respect bisexuality.—Navigating Negativity

Dear NN,

I’m genuinely sorry to hear about your experiences. I’d be hard-pressed to find an (out) bisexual who hasn’t encountered such stereotypes or misconceptions. It’s one of those insidious things that’s, unfortunately, a part of dating while bisexual. Real progress is never tidy or linear—it’s two steps forward, one step back—though my sincere hope is that the more people who are out, who speak up, and who refuse to stay relegated to the margins, the better it’ll get for everyone. 

That said, it’s certainly disheartening to be dismissed by a potential date for simply being who you are. But remember, your identity as a bisexual man is important, authentic, and nothing to be ashamed of.

Here are some suggestions to cope with biphobia and stereotypes:

Self-assurance: Self-acceptance is where it all begins. You are not “greedy,” “indecisive,” or any other stereotype. Recognize that these are false assumptions others make because of their own misunderstandings or prejudices about bisexuality. This acknowledgement can help you counteract any internalized negativity.

Come out selectively: I’m not sure if you’re advertising your bisexuality on your dating profile, but if you are, it can sometimes be easier to save the bi talk for an in-person conversation after someone has gotten to know you a little bit. Then again, proudly displaying your bisexuality can act as a remarkable bullshit filter, saving you the time and energy of dating people who are less tolerant. But because dating apps are already so limited in what information you can share, I suggest saving the “harder” stuff for human interactions, and not over screens.

Develop support networks: Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can make a world of difference. Seek out friends, join local or online bi groups, participate in LGBTQ+ activities, or maintain networks where your identity as a bisexual man is accepted and celebrated.

Seek affirming relationships: Lastly, remember you always have the right to seek relationships with individuals who affirm and respect your bisexuality. Don’t settle for less, because you deserve love and acceptance just like anyone else.

Life may throw us complicated or ordeals, but they provide us with the opportunity to grow, understand, and become stronger. I hope these tips empower you to navigate your dating journey with confidence.

I’m 19 and a virgin. I suspect I may have bisexual leanings but because I don’t have experience—with anyone!—I don’t really know what to tell people or how to get that experience that I so desperately crave. What the hell should I do about this?—Like A Virgin

Dear LAV,

I feel you. It’s hard to say definitively “I like a thing!” when you haven’t, like, mashed your face against said thing. And while you don’t need experience to claim the bi label, it certainly helps when it comes to being confident in your sense of self, your desires, and in becoming comfortable with your new-to-you sexuality.

For now, worry less about what you should tell people—because it’s not really anyone’s business—and focus more on putting yourself out there to get those “experiences you desperately crave.” The only way out is through, as the saying goes, and even though it’s scary as hell the first time (or couple times) you do anything sexual, rest assured that it totally gets easier and less nerve-wracking.

How you get sexual experience in the first place involves—not unlike sex itself—a sense of humor, a resilience to endure failure and rejection, and a willingness to try, try again. Thankfully, there are SO MANY tools at your disposal to make this a little easier. Get on some apps, join some queer groups (either online or in person), go to parties or meetups, and cultivate hobbies relevant to your interests. Practice talking to strangers as much as you can, even if it’s just chit chat with the grocery bagger. The more you put yourself out there, the greater the chance you’ll meet someone worth mashing faces with. Plus, having an active social life makes you a more interesting person with more interesting things to talk about, so it’s a win-win. 

Now go have some fun and get ready to be freaked out in the best way.