Nothing makes you feel more productive than seeing all the work you’ve produced in a year in one place, which I did in 2016 on this blog. And am doing again RIGHT NOW.
If you make things, write things, draw things, etc., I highly recommend tracking what you’ve done in some way. It’s immensely rewarding.
Without further ado…
Essays
The year I lost my orgasm for a year and all the stupid, fucked up things I tried to get it back. (Damn Joan)
I went to a sex conference and didn’t attend because I was too busy fucking. (SF Weekly)
Awkward bisexual stories from my not-so-distant youth, part 1 and part 2. (SF Weekly)
Random
The time I wrote romantic fiction promoting wine country tourism under the pseudonym Shane Colt. (Visit Lodi)
Why mainstream lesbian porn has dominated the field for the last decade (Alternet)
Why you should be watching more porn (Alternet)
I reviewed a terrible vaginal weed spray (San Francisco Chronicle)
I interviewed Ani DiFranco, Melissa Etheridge, Valerie June, Kaki King, and Courtney Hartman (Acoustic Guitar)
10 ways to hate yourself a little less
The weird way I became a successful freelance writer. It involves MySpace and butt plugs and failing failing failing.
Thirty-three life lessons from Helen Keller
Want to learn sign language? Here are lots of free resources. Plus, an inspiring TED talk from a deaf sound artist.
I did a piece on queer nightlife and they made it so purdy. (Visit Oakland)
There’s MOAR
I wrote 20 newsletters. You can read many of them here. And you can sign up here.
Top five favorites are:
A room of one’s own, but also MONEY
I also blog somewhat regularly for Stringletter publications, such as Acoustic Guitar and Strings magazine, where I work part-time. I’ll spare you my thrilling missives on Joan Baez and the San Francisco Symphony, but here are a few highlights:
I loved the new Pieta Brown album, especially “Stopped My Horse.”
And, one ring to rule them all! Wagner’s Das Rheingold.
SO MUCH Advice
When are labels useful and when are they limiting?
What can you ask for on a first date?
What is cuckoldry and why do people like it?
Who should you have a threesome with?
How to deal with a backstabbing friend.
Are you having the kind of sex you want?
About that new crush you have…
Feel stuck in a toxic relationship?
What advice would you give to your young queer selves?
How do you date with a chronic illness? Like this.
I received so many nice emails in response to this one about “forgetting” how to love.
How do I open my relationship up?
Quick ‘n’ dirty.
On moving abroad for a partner.
Getting back in the dating game.
What do you wear to an orgy?
Is this a summer fling?
When you’re pregnant with your ex’s baby.
Before you share that revenge porn.
When your boyfriend not only cheats on you but lies about it.
I get bi with a little help from my friends, and now so can you.
I’m in love with a heroin addict.
Just call me the Erection Connection (or, you know, Anna).
A GENIUS lifehack for not sleeping with someone too soon.
Quick ‘n’ dirty summer advice.
Advice columnist confession: I often want to jokingly add “peg him!” to my answers and this time I actually did!
The best/worst foot fetish pun known to man.
Should you get involved with a married woman?
And a bi smorgasbord. (A smorgasBIrd?)
Dealing with jealousy over a partner’s past.
And some fun facts about the cervix with a little help from Britney Spears songs.
A few friends have said that this column was their favorite. It’s about identity, behavior, and not “choosing sides.”
Is being a virgin something to be embarrassed about? Plus, bad kissing, and the weirdest “cheating” rules.
All you (n)ever wanted to know about necrophilia.
And, the role of fantasizing in long-term relationships.
How do I reconcile the fact that I’m ugly?
A young woman wonders why she pees when she gets turned on…or is it ejaculation?
How many blow job puns can I make in a single column? (A lot.)
I love a woman who has no romantic interest in me.
When your ex is a garbage fire.
Our hookup was awful. Can things be salvaged?
When a girl asks to be your girlfriend, then bails.
A man wonders how he’s supposed to date when he’s at his “lowest ebb.”
How to introduce your triad relationship at parties? I was in a triad for like seven minutes once so obvs am an expert.
A man wonders if women like being fondled without their consent and NO THAT IS NOT OKAY UGGH.
Favorite haikus of the year
You Thought I Was the Desert but
I am rain, I am
rain — I live only to fall
for you endlessly.
I Tried
to lure you in with
my sorcery of words, but
only caught myself.
Something Someone Else Would Call Regret
I hold all the truths
of you in my hands, like seeds
convinced they’re flowers.
How Like a Poem You Are
Twisty, ragged-edged —
my senses are your servants
begging the white space.
Gurl, Are You an Oxford Comma?
Cuz I’d love if you’d
insert yourself to avoid
ambiguity.
You are not broken.
Broken is just a word and
you are a story.
How could I not love
you? Even the moon was drunk
on our promises.
I ache to sweat a
river of your name—your nails
dug in me like thirst.
Why We Need Poetry
Obscurity is
necessary to describe
feelings we can’t bear.
And, this series:
Book Stuff
Ten lesbian books where no one dies!
Ten things I learned from Esther Perel’s excellent book on desire Mating in Captivity.
Laughably bad advice from books for people with hearing loss.
For the Bay Area Book Festival, I interviewed Carolina De Robertis for her excellent book Radical Hope; asked children’s authors/illustrators for advice on how to nurture a child’s love of reading; wrote about female authors leading the resistance; dissected the love affair between books and films; and interviewed my friend and hero Wendy MacNaughton on her cookbook with Samin Nosrat, which is great, and you should buy it.
Dreams I never knew I had
I wrote my first novel. I’m now (forever?) revising it, but will SEND IT OUT SOON FOR HOPEFUL PUBLICATION, BY JOVE. Or maybe I’ll release it on Amazon for $0.99. I’m not sure yet. If anyone wants to solve my life for me, I’m all ears.
Esther Perel quoted me in her book The State of Affairs. The full essay is here.
And! John Stamos liked my Instagram post and my teenage heart grew a mullet made of resilience and joy.
