Dear Anna,

I’m a 17-year-old guy and I live with my single mom. She recently brought a guy home, and had ridiculously loud sex until almost 6am. Headphones didn’t work to drown out the sound and I couldn’t get to sleep at all, which made school the next day horrible. I have a GF so I know that sex is a normal part of being a human, but, aside from moving out, which I can’t do right now, what can I do about this?––Sounds Outdo Neutrality

Dear SON,

I feel for you. Having to listen to your mom bang it out until dawn on a school night is no one’s idea of a good time. While you’re right that sex is a normal part of being human ( you would not be alive if your mom had not been devoted this very normal act), and your mom is 100% allowed to get it on under the roof that she pays for, her behavior is definitely inconsiderate at best and interfering with your mental health at worst. 

You’re gonna have to talk to her about it. I know, I know. No one wants to do that, but the alternative is you say nothing, she keeps doing the inconsiderate thing, and you suffer until you move out. Since doing nothing will get you nothing, try a thing instead. Tell her exactly what you said here––that you know she has needs but could she keep the noise level to a respectable decibel, as the raucous nights are interfering with your sleep. You might propose that she stay over at the other person’s house if planning a late-night rendezvous or suggest a curfew, at least on weeknights––for your sanity and GPA. You could also have her give you a heads up on such nights so you can stay elsewhere, if that’s a possibility. (Not sure if your GF’s parents are down with sleepovers, but they might be sympathetic to your plight.)

Other options, ranging from benign to passive-aggressive to aggressive-aggressive, include:

• Investing in a white noise machine and or white-noise app
• Banging on the wall until she/they quiet down
• Telling any family member you can about her behavior in hopes that someone else will say something on your behalf
• Inviting your girlfriend over and having the loudest sex imaginable, then using your annoyingly loud sex as a teachable moment when she brings it up the next day

But the quickest and least painful is just to ask her to please keep her son in mind when she’s fucking, which might have the (intended) effect of her never having sex again.

I (36yo female) just started dating again after being married for 8 years. The guy I’ve been seeing (for about 2 months) recently confessed that he has a “mean mommy” kink. He likes to be dominated, and told he’s a “good boy” or punished if he hasn’t been. I want to be a giving lover and am up for trying it but don’t have any experience being “mean” in any context, certainly not sexual ones. Help?––No More Miss Nice Mom

Dear NMMNM,

Your boyfriend’s kink isn’t so different from other dominant woman/submissive man role-playing, with a mild twist. And, well, why not? If Drake can call himself Champagne Papi, then you can call yourself Mean Mommy. Just, probably not on Instagram.

Hopefully your BF is good at talking about what he enjoys, since, as with most kinks, the more specific someone can be, the easier it is to accommodate those desires. To start, find out what specific words or phrases he enjoys hearing, find out how he likes to be controlled––physically? Emotionally? Verbally? A combo?––and what boundaries need to be enforced for everyone’s safety, sexiness, and health.

But some people just don’t really know or have trouble communicating the specifics of their dirty minds in kink scenarios, and that’s where good ol’ fashion smut comes in. Google mom dommes, read some erotica, and take note of anything you read that sounds hot to you and him. Or, hell, make that his first assignment as a “good boy.” Make him do the research, find 10 hot mommy scenarios to read aloud to you, and dole out rewards or “punishments” for his efforts. 

As to how to tap into your inner mom-domme, my advice is to go easy on yourself. With any new-to-you kink, start slow and give yourself a lot of leeway to get things wrong at first. Because you will! You don’t just suddenly, after 36 years, snarl at a grown man to “Get on your knees, my slutty little paper boy!”

It takes practice and patience and (pun unintended) baby steps. So, give yourself permission to fuck up, find some fun scenarios to practice with, and go from there.

Anna Pulley is a syndicated Tribune Content Agency columnist answering reader questions about love, sex and dating. Send your questions via email (anonymity guaranteed) to redeyedating@gmail.com, sign up for her infrequent (yet amazing) newsletter, or check out her books!