Find out in my new AfterEllen column, appropriately titled The Hook Up, which I’ve now seen spelled about four different ways. Is it one word or two? Is it hyphenated, bifurcated? I just don’t know. But I do know that you should go read it right now!
One of the reasons queer women have fewer no-strings-attached hook ups is because we love strings, obvs. Our casual sex often involves someone who is an ex, a friend, a friend’s ex, an ex’s friend, the barista at our favorite Starbucks, etc — basically someone we will eventually run into again. This tends to make hook ups complicated, guilt-ridden or just plain awkward.
Also, women are socialized not to aggressively pursue people we want to sleep with. We’re subtle. We flirt and listen and engage, but such strategies rarely turn into a steamy trip to the coat closet. It doesn’t help that lesbian bars police the hell out of their bathrooms. I got kicked out of a bar once because a friend was in the stall with me, helping me put a band-aid on a hard to reach place and the lezstapo just assumed we were being inappropriate and booted us. It didn’t help that I wasn’t wearing pants at the time.
Also, I’m now officially back in the business of intruding on your love lives. So, you know, ask me a question: email@example.com