Bay Area Rockers! Come watch me read embarrassing OkCupid messages in a flat, yet bewildered tone next Thursday, March 10th at Fivepoints Arthouse. Guest appearances by the ran-stone cowgirl dude, polyamorous-bear-my-children-and-do-my-data-entry dude, “check me out with the cops” dude, and many, many more. Short description: Celebrate heartbreak and hook-ups with […]

March 10th: Get Some Tale

#141 I want to hold you like parentheses, for once nothing between us. ________ #142 Skype sex? Can’t you masturbate to my Facebook photos like usual? ________ #143 First time for everything: rejected by a spirit animal? (p.s. Tumbl with me!) ________

Haiku for Adulthood: (<3)

I’m way behind in posting shit I wrote that’s not in blog-form, perhaps because I’ve been too consumed by lighting myself on fire on the internet. Alas (but not a lack), here’s what you missed at SF Weekly: Can Twitter Land You In Court? Can You See Who’s Viewing Your […]


This is the third time someone on OkCupid has asked me how I got my job. I mean, really? How does anyone get a job. You either know someone or blow someone, amiright brah?

I don’t know why I’m single

From the MySpace Vault, with new additions added for posterity: These are all first messages sent to me from random folks on OkCupid. I post them (mostly) without comment. I don’t post them to be callous, but to provide an anthropological glimpse of what women deal with on these kinds […]


Joys of being single edition aka I get by with a little help from my friends. Subject: “Wanna fuck?” Followed by a “JK!” Your meaning eludes me. _________ “Y’know she’s married, right?” “Would I be attracted to her if she wasn’t?” _________ For Jami You and I go together like […]

Haiku for Adulthood #47-#51