lesbian


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While floating around ideas for the back cover of The Lesbian Sex Haiku Book (with Cats!), my editor challenged me to write a haiku description of the book. So obviously that’s what I’m doing instead of, like, trying to make money to survive. I can do that tomorrow. How often […]

Help me describe my haiku book in haiku?


A while back, I did a haiku series for The Toast called “If Lesbian Porn Were Accurate.” Such as: Naughty Lesbian Babysitter Has Surprise for Dad When He Returns Home She let the kids stay up until 11 watching Harry Potter. * Hot MILFs Engage in a Steamy Clam Photo […]

If Lesbian Porn Were Accurate




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#279 Of course I read Cunt. Painting with my menstrual blood was transformative! _________ #280 Girl,  I would love to help you move that modular couch from IKEA. _________ #281 Cold? Here take my micro-fleece vest. I only wear it ironically. _________ #282 Have you reconciled your identity with race and class privilege? _________ #283 […]

Haiku for Adulthood: Lesbian Pick-up Lines


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So. Back in 2003, I was trying to convince my soon-to-be-girlfriend that I didn’t like girls. This is an email I sent her, in which I detail just why I find lesbianism so reprehensible. Apparently, I’d already hooked up with three women at this point. Needless to say, I find […]

Lesbian sex is shallow!


#247 Someday I’ll meet a girl good enough to take home to my vibrator. __________ #248 If you’re a girl who’s vagitarian, all dating is masturdating. __________ #249 Lesbianism in 8 words: “I can’t date you, but here’s a poem.” __________ #250 At the lez sex party, the biggest bed held […]

Haiku for Adulthood: Masturdating