Flickr/James Bowe

Lesbian Sex Haiku Continued



Lesbian sex is like

badminton — No one actually

knows the rules.


It’s like straight sex, but

dry humping remains in style

after high school.


It’s like straight sex, but

our first orgasm was

with the shower head.


Names for oral that

didn’t make the cut: Juicin’

the goose, peach gobbler.


Lesbian sex math:

Two vaginas = twice the fun  /

double the wet spot.


It’s like straight sex, except

sometimes other pussies

get in the way (cats).

(not like that!)

Haiku for Adulthood: Lit Crawl Muni Battle (Video)


These are some of the haiku I read at the Lit Crawl Muni Haiku Battle, which was super fun, even though (spoiler) I lost! You can read about it at Muni Diaries or watch a video recap below. Some of these won’t make much sense if you don’t live in San Francisco or ride public transit, but most of them will!


My policy hasn’t

changed. You could always

enter through my “back door.”



Rush hour is like

kinky sex — nobody gets

off without a fight.



On the N, my seat

was stolen by an Asian

lady’s live chicken.



I took a deep breath

on the 38 Geary

at night — lesson learned.



Packed with tourists, Full 

House sing-alongs, pigeon jokes.

What the F, Train.



To our right, you’ll

notice human excrement.

That concludes our tour.



A two-hour ride

and I’m still not there — Mission bus

or one-night stand?



Kind sir, there’s a

difference between friendliness

and frotter-nizing.



Girl on phone baptizes

me with spit — if you see

something, spray something.



If you like your work

commute to be full of

surprises, urine luck.



Dear ladies: Gripping

the bus pole that hard doesn’t

get you any tips.



Remembering exact

change is a chore. Clipper?

I barely know her!

PS: I’ve always wanted my face to be next to a definition of a paraphilia.

Haiku for Adulthood: Lesbian Pick-up Lines


Of course I read Cunt.

Painting with my menstrual blood

was transformative!



Girl,  I would love to

help you move that modular

couch from IKEA.



Cold? Here take my

micro-fleece vest. I only wear

it ironically.



Have you reconciled

your identity with race

and class privilege?



Don’t label me –

I’m a non-het-identified

poly pagan witch.



I know it’s 2012

but I’m not done griping

about The L Word.







Haiku for Adulthood: What’s a haiku?

I know this is a little bitter, but I’m tired of getting comments about how I’m one syllable off or whatever.

Here’s my soap box, for what I hope is the last time: Japanese haiku isn’t based on syllables. It’s based on onji, which are units of sound that don’t correlate with Western languages.

The Haiku Society of America (which is a thing that exists!) gives a pretty loose definition here:

The definition of haiku has been made more difficult by the fact that many uninformed persons have considered it to be a “form” like a sonnet or triolet (17 syllables divided 5, 7, and 5). That it is not simply a “form” is amply demonstrated by the fact that the Japanese differentiate haiku from senryu──a type of verse (or poem) that has exactly the same “form” as haiku but differs in content from it. Actually, there is no rigid “form” for Japanese haiku. Seventeen Japanese onji (sound-symbols) is the norm, but some 5% of “classical” haiku depart from it, and so do a still greater percentage of “modern” Japanese haiku. To the Japanese and to American haiku poets, it is the content and not the form alone that makes a haiku.

Okay? Now can we all just fucking enjoy these silly haiku already?!

Thank you, MGMT