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Lesbian Sex Haiku Continued

Flickr/James Bowe
Flickr/LollyKnit

Flickr/LollyKnit

Lesbian sex is like

badminton — No one actually

knows the rules.

_______

It’s like straight sex, but

dry humping remains in style

after high school.

________

It’s like straight sex, but

our first orgasm was

with the shower head.

________

Names for oral that

didn’t make the cut: Juicin’

the goose, peach gobbler.

________

Lesbian sex math:

Two vaginas = twice the fun  /

double the wet spot.

________

It’s like straight sex, except

sometimes other pussies

get in the way (cats).

(not like that!)

Haiku for Adulthood: Sex in my early 20s

Thank god that era is over.

Also, 300 haiku y’all!

Haiku for Adulthood: Lit Crawl Muni Battle (Video)

Ilcha/Flickr

These are some of the haiku I read at the Lit Crawl Muni Haiku Battle, which was super fun, even though (spoiler) I lost! You can read about it at Muni Diaries or watch a video recap below. Some of these won’t make much sense if you don’t live in San Francisco or ride public transit, but most of them will!

#288

My policy hasn’t

changed. You could always

enter through my “back door.”

_________

#289

Rush hour is like

kinky sex — nobody gets

off without a fight.

_________

#290

On the N, my seat

was stolen by an Asian

lady’s live chicken.

_________

#291

I took a deep breath

on the 38 Geary

at night — lesson learned.

_________

#292

Packed with tourists, Full 

House sing-alongs, pigeon jokes.

What the F, Train.

_________

#293

To our right, you’ll

notice human excrement.

That concludes our tour.

_________

#294

A two-hour ride

and I’m still not there — Mission bus

or one-night stand?

_________

#295

Kind sir, there’s a

difference between friendliness

and frotter-nizing.

_________

#296

Girl on phone baptizes

me with spit — if you see

something, spray something.

_________

#297

If you like your work

commute to be full of

surprises, urine luck.

_________

 #298

Dear ladies: Gripping

the bus pole that hard doesn’t

get you any tips.

_________

#299

Remembering exact

change is a chore. Clipper?

I barely know her!

PS: I’ve always wanted my face to be next to a definition of a paraphilia.

Haiku for Adulthood: The Write Stuff

Haiku for Adulthood: Back to Reality…TV

This is a guest haiku by Devon O’Dell O’Gara.

For those who’ve never had the uh pleasure of watching Jackass, here’s a trailer for the movie.

Haiku for Adulhood: Why I love my mom

Haiku for Adulthood: Lesbian Pick-up Lines

#279

Of course I read Cunt.

Painting with my menstrual blood

was transformative!

_________

#280

Girl,  I would love to

help you move that modular

couch from IKEA.

_________

#281

Cold? Here take my

micro-fleece vest. I only wear

it ironically.

_________

#282

Have you reconciled

your identity with race

and class privilege?

_________

#283

Don’t label me –

I’m a non-het-identified

poly pagan witch.

_________

#284

I know it’s 2012

but I’m not done griping

about The L Word.

_________

 #285

Heteronormative

intersectionality

assimilation.

_________

Haiku for Adulthood: What’s a haiku?

I know this is a little bitter, but I’m tired of getting comments about how I’m one syllable off or whatever.

Here’s my soap box, for what I hope is the last time: Japanese haiku isn’t based on syllables. It’s based on onji, which are units of sound that don’t correlate with Western languages.

The Haiku Society of America (which is a thing that exists!) gives a pretty loose definition here:

The definition of haiku has been made more difficult by the fact that many uninformed persons have considered it to be a “form” like a sonnet or triolet (17 syllables divided 5, 7, and 5). That it is not simply a “form” is amply demonstrated by the fact that the Japanese differentiate haiku from senryu──a type of verse (or poem) that has exactly the same “form” as haiku but differs in content from it. Actually, there is no rigid “form” for Japanese haiku. Seventeen Japanese onji (sound-symbols) is the norm, but some 5% of “classical” haiku depart from it, and so do a still greater percentage of “modern” Japanese haiku. To the Japanese and to American haiku poets, it is the content and not the form alone that makes a haiku.

Okay? Now can we all just fucking enjoy these silly haiku already?!

Thank you, MGMT

Haiku for Adulthood: My Secret Shame

Haiku for Adulthood: Writer’s Block

#276

The most frustrating

kind of writer’s block comes from

being too happy.