I feel like most of these could also be subtitles to a book that desperately needs to be written. #176 ‘Cause it’s easier to lie on the internet than to someone’s face. _____________ #177 You were so much more interesting when you were two-dimensional. _____________ #178 “Living life to the […]

Haiku for Adulthood: Online Dating

I got this message today from Alice, an OkCupid employee who I am curiously 100% compatible with (that’s never happened before. Also, you’d think sexual orientation would factor into their matching algorithms.) Anyway, here’s what Alice had to tell me: Effective today, we are giving you a month of our […]

Why I’ll Never Be An A-List OkCupid User

This is the third time someone on OkCupid has asked me how I got my job. I mean, really? How does anyone get a job. You either know someone or blow someone, amiright brah?

I don’t know why I’m single

From the MySpace Vault, with new additions added for posterity: These are all first messages sent to me from random folks on OkCupid. I post them (mostly) without comment. I don’t post them to be callous, but to provide an anthropological glimpse of what women deal with on these kinds […]


Achievement of the Month: New high score in Doodle Jump! I hate myself. (It was by like 30,000 points though! That’s really high. For me.) _________ You kept the note I wrote you. It just said “Bam!” Me Tarzan. You impressed? _________ What I want inscribed on my tombstone when […]

Haiku for Adulthood #85 – #91

Ed. Note: These haiku aren’t ALL about me. Sometimes they are just sentiments I enjoy, events/situations I find amusing, or shit I think will impress people. In other words, stop worrying that I’m Atilla the Slut with a drinking problem and no wherewithal to feed and clothe myself, Mom! Now […]

Haiku for Adulthood #52-#56