anna pulley

#247 Someday I’ll meet a girl good enough to take home to my vibrator. __________ #248 If you’re a girl who’s vagitarian, all dating is masturdating. __________ #249 Lesbianism in 8 words: ”I can’t date you, but here’s a poem.” __________ #250 At the lez sex party, the biggest bed held two women JUST spooning. __________ [...]

#223 Faith is knowing I’ve already lost you, and loving you anyway. _________ #224 It’s true–I crave your scapegoats. Such sting makes the present feel effortless. _________ #225 Some days, it seems the only appreciation comes from men in cars. _________ #226 Dear hot girls on OkCupid: You still have to write more than, “Hello.. [...]

I have this wall of letters in my childhood bedroom. Some of them are written by me, but most are from other people. I started collecting them when I was in sixth grade until I finished high school. Whenever I come home, I read a few of them.  These are mostly from my freshman year [...]

#181 Picture foreplay that lasts longer than a few minutes. Now, add crying. _____________ #182 Scissoring is only a “move” in porno movies. Or “Rock, paper…” _____________ #183 Strap-on sex is fun, until you realize you don’t know when to stop. _____________ #184 Why you should be proud to have small hands: sewing, picking your [...]

I feel like most of these could also be subtitles to a book that desperately needs to be written. #176 ‘Cause it’s easier to lie on the internet than to someone’s face. _____________ #177 You were so much more interesting when you were two-dimensional. _____________ #178 “Living life to the fullest” and other sayings that [...]

I got this message today from Alice, an OkCupid employee who I am curiously 100% compatible with (that’s never happened before. Also, you’d think sexual orientation would factor into their matching algorithms.) Anyway, here’s what Alice had to tell me: Effective today, we are giving you a month of our A-List service free of charge. [...]

This is the third time someone on OkCupid has asked me how I got my job. I mean, really? How does anyone get a job. You either know someone or blow someone, amiright brah? Ooooooooooookay: OkStupid Haiku for Adulthood #52-#56 Love or referrals appreciated Like a ran-stone cowgirl

From the MySpace Vault, with new additions added for posterity: These are all first messages sent to me from random folks on OkCupid. I post them (mostly) without comment. I don’t post them to be callous, but to provide an anthropological glimpse of what women deal with on these kinds of dating sites. Of course, [...]

Achievement of the Month: New high score in Doodle Jump! I hate myself. (It was by like 30,000 points though! That’s really high. For me.) _________ You kept the note I wrote you. It just said “Bam!” Me Tarzan. You impressed? _________ What I want inscribed on my tombstone when I die: “Help! Buried Alive!” [...]

Ed. Note: These haiku aren’t ALL about me. Sometimes they are just sentiments I enjoy, events/situations I find amusing, or shit I think will impress people. In other words, stop worrying that I’m Atilla the Slut with a drinking problem and no wherewithal to feed and clothe myself, Mom! Now that that’s taken care of, [...]