Other ideas include:
BEDDING Colin Firth
Perfecting my British accent, which Ellie describes as “not that bad” and winces
Renaming the Grafenberg spot, then claiming I invented it in order to get credit for the happenstance of anatomy. Suggestions for the new name are: Chuck Bass, This is Spinal Tap, and Dawson’s Creek.
Get a new sex column to replace the large, empty hole in my uterus since I stopped Can’t Bi Me Love
Join Drool, the oldest Colin Firth fan community on the web (you can’t make this shit up, people)
Get 1,000 Twitter followers – only 361 to go! Assuming I can hold on to the loyal following of a Volvo dealership and about 400 porn sites.
Learn to cook something interesting using bean sprouts. Sometimes I have urges to buy them at the store. One time, I actually did buy some and kept them in my fridge until they looked like sad emoticons and I had to throw them out. |:(
Buy a pleather jacket
Learn to smolder
What’s your best New Year’s resolution?