New Year’s Resolutions 5



Since Ellie says watching all of Colin Firth’s movies does not count as a New Year’s resolution, I suppose I’ll have to think of something else to aspire to.

Other ideas include:

BEDDING Colin Firth

Perfecting my British accent, which Ellie describes as “not that bad” and winces

Renaming the Grafenberg spot, then claiming I invented it in order to get credit for the happenstance of anatomy. Suggestions for the new name are: Chuck Bass, This is Spinal Tap, and Dawson’s Creek.

Get a new sex column to replace the large, empty hole in my uterus since I stopped Can’t Bi Me Love

Join Drool, the oldest Colin Firth fan community on the web (you can’t make this shit up, people)

Get 1,000 Twitter followers – only 361 to go! Assuming I can hold on to the loyal following of a Volvo dealership and about 400 porn sites.

Learn to cook something interesting using bean sprouts. Sometimes I have urges to buy them at the store. One time, I actually did buy some and kept them in my fridge until they looked like sad emoticons and I had to throw them out. |:(

Buy a pleather jacket

Learn to smolder

What’s your best New Year’s resolution?


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5 thoughts on “New Year’s Resolutions

  • Lauren

    to be able to write as well as anna pulley, that's what.
    sad emoticons! i love it!

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  • pulley-whipped

    you're leagues ahead of me, lauren. remember, i didn't even know how to pronounce proust.

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  • Theresa

    No clue who Colin Firth is, but he does NOTHING for me. Don't you loathe the British for what they've done????

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  • Theresa

    Bean sprouts are so easy to toss into any stir fry. Pick a few tasty vegies and quick fry in a little oil. Serve with a little sauce (bought from the Chinese market) and cooked rice. There you go – one resolution knocked out of the way.

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  • pulley-whipped

    i don't blame colin firth for the genocide of native americans, if that's what you're implying.

    come on, you love white guys!

    and thanks for the bean sprout tip.

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