Lesbian sex is shallow! 1


So. Back in 2003, I was trying to convince my soon-to-be-girlfriend that I didn’t like girls. This is an email I sent her, in which I detail just why I find lesbianism so reprehensible. Apparently, I’d already hooked up with three women at this point. Needless to say, I find this hysterical now. Also, for the record, I have never undone someone’s zipper with my teeth, in Jr. High or otherwise.



This is the most I’ve ever checked my email…you’re pretty on the ball with this whole reply thing. props to you.

I’m glad everything’s okay with you, that’s been stressing me out a lot. I don’t want things to be weird and I know I’m acting weird and blar blar blar. Trying to snap myself out of it…to no avail. You’re a really cool chick though (do you object to the word “chick”?) and don’t let my behavior deter you from thinking that.

Here are some of the problems I have with lesbianism…and myself as well…

1. I have internalized the societally induced hetero way of thinking and it took me months before I became comfortable even admitting that I was in a relationship with a girl let alone sleeping with one.

2. of the 3 girls I’ve been intimate with…all have started and ended very badly, causing much emotional strife and lost friendships. The one who still talks to me, never ever mentions what happened between us and I actually prefer that because she made me feel really bad about myself. I drove to Prescott at 1am on a Sunday night to spend 6 hours with her and then she ignored me for a month.

3. I hate the term “lesbian” with an unmitigated vehemence, but not as much as I hate when people call me “lesbianna.” I have a huge problem with this, with labels in general.
4. I’m very affectionate and I can’t be so with girls in public b/c of insecurities and labels and blah blah.

5. lesbian sex feels somewhat shallow to me (no pun intended) and I never know what the hell I’m doing and it feels like I’m in junior high again, trying to undo someone’s zipper with my teeth and failing miserably.

6. I like having sex with guys

Alright…there’s more but we can talk in person, Jamie just got home and we have to share drunken stories.


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